“When people know that I’m a matchmaker, they ask me, ‘I don’t understand why she’s single.’ I tell them I don’t even need to meet their friend to explain why. I say, ‘For example, you say your friend is very good. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate her?’ If your friend is an eight, what do you think she’s looking for? At least a nine. And if the guy is a nine, what is he looking for? A ten. It’s very simple. Your friend has two options. One option is she figures out how to move herself from an eight to a ten. Or she looks around and realizes the guys who are eights are actually amazing. These guys would love to get to know her better, but she doesn’t even give them the time of day.” - Violet Lim, Co-Founder & CEO of Lunch Actually Paktor Group


“WhatsApp critique is when someone messages you, because some people haven’t dated for a long time, or they dated in a completely different era. For example, the era I dated in had no messaging. Now everything is through text, and some people are just really bad at texting. If you think about it, there are so many options now. Unlike 21 years ago, people have Bumble and Tinder, and chances are they’re talking to many different people at the same time.” - Violet Lim, Co-Founder & CEO of Lunch Actually Paktor Group


“There are so many love scams. The reason love scams work is because the scammers, even though they are bad people, fulfill a certain need that people have. In a way, isn’t it better if people are not scammed but their needs are fulfilled through AI? Obviously, I don’t think this is the most ideal situation, and I’m still trying to focus on the solution I’m trying to roll out.” - Violet Lim, Co-Founder & CEO of Lunch Actually Paktor Group

Violet Lim, Co-Founder & CEO of Lunch Actually Paktor Group, and Jeremy Au explore how dating, expectations, and technology have evolved across Southeast Asia over the past two decades. Violet traces her path from studying law in the UK to banking in Singapore, before leaving a stable career at 24 to start Lunch Actually, now one of Asia’s longest-running matchmaking groups. They discuss the early stigma around dating services, why lunch dating worked as a low-pressure solution for busy professionals, and the realities of expanding across markets like Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. Their conversation digs into why some people find partners quickly while others repeat the same patterns, how coaching closes gaps in mindset and behavior, and why surface-level filters often block long-term compatibility. They also examine how dating apps reshaped expectations, how Gen Z, millennials, and Gen X approach dating differently, and how AI companionship is beginning to challenge traditional ideas of intimacy, loneliness, and commitment.

01:45 How she met her husband: Violet recounts meeting her university sweetheart through student society events, ICQ conversations, and a first lunch date that later inspired her business model.

03:35 Identifying the dating gap: While rotating through Citibank, Violet notices many eligible colleagues are single and constantly busy, realizing lunch is often the only time people can realistically meet someone new.

06:23 Quitting at 24 despite stigma: Violet explains why she chose not to practice family law, moved into HR and banking, and faced deep cultural resistance to matchmaking before deciding to go all in.

15:43 Overcoming early barriers: Advertisers refuse to run dating ads, landlords reject office rentals, clients hide to avoid being seen, and a bold half-empty newspaper ad becomes the breakthrough moment.

18:39 Scaling across Asia: Singapore and Malaysia grow naturally, Hong Kong requires language and cultural adaptation, and Taiwan fails when the team realizes the concept of dating does not yet exist in the market.

31:21 Coaching drives successful matches: Violet explains why some clients succeed quickly while others stall, leading to mindset coaching, image support, and WhatsApp critique to fix blind spots.

42:16 AI reshapes emotional norms: Violet describes how abundance, analysis paralysis, fear of better options, and AI companionship are changing how people define connection and commitment.

Jeremy Au (00:00:58)

Hey Violet, I'm so excited to see you.

Violet Lim (00:01:01)

Hey, thanks for having me. Really awesome to be here.

Jeremy Au (00:01:03)

I've seen you in the newspapers and in the documentaries. I'm glad to have you on the show. We had a fantastic time when you were the moderator for me, but now I'm so glad I get to flip the table. So Violet, could you just introduce yourself real quick?

Violet Lim (00:01:19)

Yeah, definitely. My name is Violet, and just in case people cannot remember, that's why I'm always wearing violet. Anyway, I'm the CEO and co-founder of Lunch Actually Group. We started about 21 years ago, and we currently are in six markets: Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Thailand, and Taiwan. Other than matchmaking, we also provide date coaching and image coaching services. We have sent out more than 160,000 first dates.

Jeremy Au (00:01:48)

Wow, 160,000 first dates. Now, I just want to know the funnel ahead of that. How many came out with a successful second date? And at the end, did you get married and stay married?

Violet Lim (00:01:56)

Yes! You can dive into that later. I'm married to my uni sweetheart. We have two kids who are both teenagers now, and we have two fur kids as well—dogs.

Jeremy Au (00:02:07)

Amazing. Sounds like a busy, lively household. We've got to go all the way to the beginning. You said "university sweetheart." What were you like in university? Were you dating or going on lunches? How did that happen?

Violet Lim (00:02:21)

It's very funny. I think I was a bit dorky when I was at university. I remember this particular outfit—a red turtleneck with a blue knitted vest. At the time, I thought it looked really good, but looking back, I’m like, "Fashion police alert!" I was really trying my best to do well because I read Law. I did my first year in Malaysia, and it was a huge culture shock when I started university in the UK. In Malaysia, the lecturer would give us a whole stack of notes to memorize and regurgitate. In the UK, the lecturer came in with one piece of paper outlining the whole semester and told us to go read the cases and textbooks. I was studying very hard just to pass.

Jeremy Au (00:03:40)

So there you are, dorky in that turtleneck. Did you meet your sweetheart then? Was he dorky or charming?

Violet Lim (00:03:53)

If you were to ask him and me when we first met, we would give you two different answers. Of course, my answer is the correct one. At that point in his life, like most guys, he was only chasing the "most beautiful girl." I didn't fall into that category then. We first met at a society orientation event at a disco. It was dark, so it's reasonable he didn't remember me. After that, a group of us went to Chinatown for supper. It was a round table, but he still didn't remember. We even shared a cab!

In his mind, the first time we met was a couple of weeks later when I was running for the presidency of a student society. He was the General Secretary of another society. He was kind and gave me tips on the roles and responsibilities. I gave a speech and got the position.

Jeremy Au (00:05:22)

But what was the actual relationship like? Chasing? Mutual recognition?

Violet Lim (00:05:34)

At that point, I was in a long-distance relationship with someone else, so nothing happened. Subsequently, we met at a student society dinner. I had broken up with my boyfriend by then. He came over to my table because he heard very good feedback on my work as a General Secretary. We danced, and incidentally, our first date the next day was over lunch. In those days we used ICQ, so we talked in the morning, I hinted I didn't have lunch plans, and he asked me out.

Jeremy Au (00:06:11)

So beautiful. I love it. I think the key moral is to do your work as General Secretary so you get good peer reviews! Now, how did you go from Law to Finance to building Lunch Actually?

Violet Lim (00:06:40)

I was a very confused person. I did Law because I wanted a degree that didn't involve math. I wanted to work with people, but during my internship, my boss told me criminal law wasn't suitable for a girl because you have to go in and out of prisons. So I did family law. The more I read about divorces, custody battles, and inheritance, the more depressed I got. I decided I wasn't going to practice law.

I did a Master's in HR at LSE, but everyone there was applying for banking jobs. I followed my peers, applied, and got an offer from Citibank in Singapore as a Management Associate. I rotated through the bank and joined the staff recreation club as the Community Service Chair. I met everybody in the bank, and I realized a lot of my colleagues were single. It was curious because bankers are usually eligible and attractive, but they were like "vampires"—going to work before the sun rose and leaving after it set.

I realized that friends who were getting married usually met their halves at university, which is where I met mine. I came across the concept of lunch dating on a trip and thought, "Why not have lunch with someone you've never met before?" It’s low pressure.

The pull factor was finding a solution to a problem. The push factor was that, as an obedient daughter, I had done everything my parents wanted, but sitting in my cubicle looking at my boss's glass office, I realized I didn't want to be doing that in 10 years. I wasn't cut out to be an employee. So I quit at 24.

Jeremy Au (00:10:11)

I understand that. It's one thing to see the partner at a firm and not want their life, but it's another to jump into matchmaking. How did you decide this was a business you could charge money for?

Violet Lim (00:10:46)

I didn't think too much—I just saw it working. My boyfriend (now husband) did some market research, surveying about a hundred people, and the feedback was decent. I’m the type of person who jumps into the deep end. I sat my parents down and told them I decided to quit my job to be a matchmaker. Their jaws dropped. In Chinese culture, there's a saying that you shouldn't be a matchmaker or you'll jinx three generations. They suggested I stay in my job while Jamie did it full-time, but I wanted to jump in 200%. I managed to use my law debating skills to convince them, and they've been our biggest supporters since.

Jeremy Au (00:13:20)

What was it like starting up? There were already matchmakers in Singapore. How did you convince people lunch made sense?

Violet Lim (00:13:34)

Being naive was a good thing. We faced challenges immediately. Finding an office was hard. Rental was doable during the downturn, but when agents found out we were a dating service, they’d say, "Sorry, your business is too 'advanced' for us." They were worried it was dodgy or shady. We finally got a Grade B office. Then, nobody would let us place print ads except in the classifieds. We wanted to be seen as modern, not like traditional agencies. We finally found one advertiser who let us buy a single insertion.

We worked with a creative friend just out of NS. He came up with a provocatively smart copy-only ad with a lot of empty space. The headline was: "Half a million Singaporeans do not read. Is that the reason why they are single?" It was provocative, and people loved it.

Jeremy Au (00:17:04)

Did you have more men or women in the early days?

Violet Lim (00:17:06)

We started in 2004. I flew to New York to attend a course at the Matchmaking Institute to learn the ropes. In matchmaking, there are usually slightly more ladies because they feel comfortable knowing every person has been vetted. The stigma was huge—one guy was so worried about being seen that he hid in the pantry opposite our office on the 21st floor!

We expanded very quickly to Malaysia and Hong Kong. We knew we had to because Singapore is a niche market. Malaysia was natural because I’m Malaysian; Hong Kong was a dream of mine. We tried JVs, corporate stores, and acquisitions. Every market is different. Our biggest mistake was using the same playbook in Taiwan. In Singapore and Hong Kong, dating concepts are similar, but in Taiwan, the term "dating" didn't really exist—it was either making friends or marriage agencies. We tried to create a new category on a tight budget and it fell flat. It took me a while to pull the plug because of "face" issues, but we eventually exited.

Jeremy Au (00:23:19)

You also built out coaching. Tell me about that.

Violet Lim (00:23:32)

I realized some clients met someone quickly, while others went on many dates with no success. I realized Group A already had the right mindset and skillset. To find "the right one," you actually need to be the right one and choose the right one. Group B was often choosing the wrong type.

Choosing the right one is hard because we are biologically wired for certain things. Girls often insist on a specific height (like 178cm) and reject someone 175cm even if they are a perfect match. Guys often insist on long hair. I have to coach them on the correlation between these traits and being a good partner—there is none! I once coached a girl at a bootcamp who realized she should give a friend a chance. They are now married.

"Being the right one" involves mindset, skillset, and image. I’ve seen ladies go to dating events in baggy t-shirts and Bermudas—comfortable, but not the best way to attract a partner. We do wardrobe audits and date coaching, including "WhatsApp critique." People are bad at texting now. Instead of just "Good morning," you need to capture attention by mentioning something specific from their profile so they know you are genuinely interested.

Jeremy Au (00:33:44)

You've gone through three tech revolutions—email, dating websites, and mobile apps—with AI coming next. How did apps change things?

Violet Lim (00:34:12)

Apps actually opened up the market by making dating mainstream and removing the stigma. They aren't our direct competitors; they are like an "entry level" service. However, the app economic model incentivizes keeping people on the platform longer, whereas we want them to find success.

Now we are working with three generations: Gen Z (the oldest are 30!), Millennials, and Gen X (who might be divorced or widowed). We provide double-sided feedback after dates, which is a huge value add. People often have blind spots.

I think AI is getting scarier. I initially pooh-poohed AI boyfriends, but now people are marrying them. In an urbanized world, people are lonely. I’m worried that AI gives people unrealistic expectations. If your AI "partner" is always compassionate and provides instant solutions, a real human husband or wife will seem disappointing by comparison. We're seeing "emotional infidelity" with AI.

Jeremy Au (00:52:24)

I love these stories. Could you share a personal story about a time you've been brave?

Violet Lim (00:52:32)

During COVID, I was one of the first people in Singapore to get it—case number 667. I ended up in NCID. The brave thing I did was go public about it. People were very reluctant to say they had COVID because of the stigma and fear. I did a live interview with a journalist friend to clear up misconceptions. I wanted people to know that it was someone they knew and that they could prepare for it.

The lockdown happened the day I was let out of NCID. Our business is face-to-face, so it was terrifying. We moved everything to Zoom dates. We prepped clients to have coffee or watch the sunset together. One girl had to cut her date short because her mother shouted, "Boy, boy, come and eat dinner!" on the other side! We actually had couples meet on Zoom during COVID who later got married.

Jeremy Au (00:58:11)

What a wonderful co-founder story and a masterclass on the business of matchmaking. We don't have all the answers for the future of AI and social norms, but it will be interesting to see how society transforms. Thank you so much for sharing.

Violet Lim (00:59:38)

Thank you so much for having me.